Growing

We all have days in our lives that we will never ever forget. If you are like me, I try to find growth and healing out of reflecting on the past. I believe it’s why I love writing so much. It’s therapy for my soul to ponder over what I’ve been through and what God has brought me through. However, the reflecting and remembering isn’t always enjoyable. It’s actually very painful and exhausting to revisit past traumas and wounds. Experience has shown me though, that if I’m not willing to look at the hurts of my past, I will miss out on the fullness of healing that Jesus has to offer. 

This time of year is very difficult for me. The warm Spring air, the blossoming trees, the grass turning green, it all reminds me of personal pain. 

Easter. My wedding anniversary. Mother’s Day. All three of these Springtime events should be a time of joyous celebration, but instead, they carry painful memories of broken promises, unfaithfulness, betrayal and rejection. 

Mother’s Day of 2020 was one of the worst. I remember the devastation of that day like it was yesterday. While I would like to share the story, now is not the time. 

What I do want to share however, is this: 

Jesus wants to heal our hearts.  That’s right. He wants to heal our hearts, but there’s no guarantee it will happen without intentional effort. A dear friend of mine reminds me that God often times hides himself for the hungry.  

Carolyn Leaf says in her book, Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess, “Time doesn’t heal. It’s what you do with the time. Healing is possible when we choose to take responsibility, when we choose to take risks, and finally, when we choose to release the wound, to let go of the past or the grief.” 

My counselor reminds me that we can’t treat gunshot wounds with bandages.

Ignoring our wounds is a death sentence for our hearts and souls. Time in itself doesn’t heal and slapping Band-Aids on gunshot wounds won’t produce healing. 

We must dig deep to locate the source of pain first and then go after it. 

I’m discovering that when I can acknowledge my pain and work on the source it is coming from, yet still find God there with me in it: it allows pieces of my heart to begin to heal and Jesus redeems a little bit more of my brokenness. 

It’s been almost a year since I was blindsided with divorce papers on Mother’s Day, and I’m still legally married. I don’t understand why, but God tells me I can trust Him. 

As for today, I can look back at the pain of my past and reflect upon where I am now. And compared to where I was a year ago, I can be confident of this: God is good and I am growing. 

“Compared to where I was a year ago, I can be confident of this: God is good and I am growing. ”

I don’t know what Easter will look like for me this year- but I know that I serve a living Savior who suffered all of those same emotions. Betrayal, unfaithfulness, rejection, pain. He is my Redeemer who went to the cross, died and rose again, and now stands in victory over it all. And I have been set free from the chains of bondage and death so I can stand in victory too!

So let me ask, what are you doing to care for your wounds?  Are you content to keep living the same life that you’ve been stuck in, or do you desire more? What pain do you need to let go of? What hurts from your past still have control over your life? What are you suffering from?

We all have deep hurts. Trauma and grief are part of all of our lives. So let me say this: go after the healing! Be intentional. Schedule the counseling appointment. Practice self care. Take the trip. If you don’t know where to start, contact me and I would love to help you start your journey to freedom.  I don’t have all of the answers, but I can pray with you and encourage you to dig deep and do the hard work because I am learning that it is absolutely worth it. 

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: my redemption story is just getting started. 

And yours, my friend, could be too. 

Freedom is calling. 

Tami 

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord anointed me to bring good news to the humble; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim release to captives and to set the prisoners free.” Isaiah 61:1