Loneliness
I’m not even sure how to begin this blog entry because to me, the topic of loneliness is difficult and complex. I’m not a counselor, a pastor, a grief instructor or a relationship coach, so honestly, I feel unequipped to discuss the subject from a “get help” standpoint. HOWEVER, it’s the season of life I have found myself living off and on over the past year, and for that reason- I want to invite you into what that journey has looked like for me. Perhaps it will encourage someone else who has lived through or is currently living in a similar season of loneliness.
I’m naturally an introverted person who loves people. I refer to myself as an extroverted introvert. I enjoy being around people, going to social gatherings, sporting events, going out etc. BUT, if I’m going to participate in those types of things, I’m also going to need some quiet time to unwind and to recharge myself afterwards. Brene Brown calls people like me, “ambiverts”.
The difficulty being an ambivert as a full time working single mom is that often times, I’m so exhausted from my day, it’s challenging to find time for myself to do the things that bring me life. I’ve learned over these past few years to be more intentional about practicing self-care, which has helped, but it’s hard not to feel alone in my journey.
I have discovered that when walking through trauma and pain, it is often the uniqueness of our situation that brings about the feeling of isolation. That feeling of no one else will ever understand what I’ve gone through or what I’m currently going through and as a result: I feel completely and utterly alone in this world.
I’ve had countless nights of sitting in my house and the tears just come. Sometimes unexpectedly, and sometimes it’s been building up for days. It’s a pathetic sight I’m sure, but it’s raw and it’s real. And it’s in those moments that The Holy Spirit moves in my heart, allowing me to feel seen, known, understood and loved. It’s in those moments of vulnerability and humility that I hear God remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
It’s the battle between what I feel and what I know to be true.
And it’s just that…a constant battle. A constant choice.
A constant effort to firmly stand on what I know instead of what I feel.
I feel the betrayal from people. But I know God is constant.
I feel the hurt from people. But I know God loves me.
I feel the rejection from people. But I know God accepts me.
I feel the disappointment from people. But I know God will never let me down.
I feel let down from people. But I know God is faithful.
I may feel alone from people. But I know God is with me.
And the other truth? I am those “people” as well. It’s what we do. We are imperfect people who serve a perfect God. I know I have disappointed and hurt plenty of people in my life- but I want to be a person who points others to the only one who is constant, loving, accepting, and faithful.
I spent a few months over this past year trying to escape my reality by seeking relationships that were simply a distraction. And then I suffered an injury that has prevented me from doing the things I love like working out, running, hiking, pretty much any type of physical activity. I literally have been forced to sit with my loneliness and experience it to the fullest.
And IT SUCKS!!!! But I needed to feel it first before I could heal from it. And the reality is while I may be feeling like no one understands what I’m going through, how many of you are also feeling the same way and others have no clue what YOU are going through?
Which is why God continues to lay it on my heart to be in community. And true community requires vulnerability and my willingness to open up and share with other people what I’m struggling with. I don’t love asking my friends to help hold me accountable with the things I’m struggling with. But I’m choosing to do it because I know I can’t keep trying to do this life on my own.
Here’s 3 things I feel God laying on my heart to encourage anyone who may be experiencing loneliness today. These are the things I’ve learned, and what I’m continuing to learn.
You gotta feel it to heal it. Don’t distract or numb yourself from feeling lonely.
2. Don’t stay alone. Find someone to talk to. Get in community.
3. Ask God to fill your heart with what He says is true instead of what you feel. Our feelings have the ability to lie to us.
Be encouraged to know, we are not alone. I am not alone. You are not alone. Life is hard and it’s a constant battle of daily choices. But if I can do it, I know you can too.
-Tami
